Buying a Car Is Like Choosing a Class In Dungeons and Dragons

Disclaimer:

You will need absolutely no knowledge of how D&D works in order to understand the premise of this blog. Hell, I don't really know all that much about it, so if you're a purist... Here's your chance to save five minutes of your life and to spare me from the lectures on how much of this stuff I've misinterpreted. I'm too lazy to use Google to fact check any of my references either, so deal.

We've all been there before... Okay, well just those of us who've actually played the game have been stuck at the table, rifling through various player's guides entirely unwilling to except that there is no correct choice and that it's really just a matter of picking something so the game can move forward. Any choice will do.

Just pick Thief, you're always a Thief. Or Warrior, if that's what it is that you always pick. Hell we don't care if you're a Bard, just make up your fracking, yes I said fracking, mind already! The rest of us have had our character's history fleshed out months ago and the Dungeon Master has had his campaign written for the year and a half that he's waited for it to be his turn! Common, would you just make up your goddamn mind!!!

There's no doubting that you've put the time in, read the statistics and weighed the pros and cons of each class. You've carefully dissected the characteristics of this commitment. You will be living with this character or car for what could be days, weeks, months or years. 

And yet there is no guaranteeing exactly how long either one of these things will last. At any moment either one, your car or that warrior you took two hours to pick, could break and die. They could cease to be, dead like that parrot nailed to the perch in Python's Pet Shop.

So in the word's of that old ass knight dude from Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade, "Choose wisely..."

This one has this many miles and is this much newer, but this one has less miles and is a few years older, but this one is a 5speed manual and the other is an automatic and this one is black but you really preferred silver and yadda-yadda-yadda, BOOM! 

Your mind pretty much explodes fourteen times a day for the two months or so that you've been searching for a new car and really at this point you are thinking about quitting your job and buying a horse. Why? Well that's easy, because horses come in different colors, but there isn't any interior to worry about or which octane you'll need to run or when the last time you changed it's oil was. You'll just have a horse.

And a horse is a horse, right?

Of course!

Just grass or hay or wheat or whatever the hell they eat and horseshoes.

Simple.

So yeah, just pick something, because before you know it the campaign is over and it's time to move on and because nothing is forever and things are just things we invite into our homes to prove that we're not dead.

That really didn't have much to do with D&D or buying a new car did it?

-mekilroy